Conflicted
by azkabcn
Summary: The darkness was becoming too much for her. She didn't know how she would handle it. She was all set to end the conflict within her, before her knight in shining armour (or rather, her pirate in black leather) swept in and reminded her that she was loved. And that he would support her. One-shot.


_Don't fight it._

 _Let it consume you._

 _Become the darkness._

 _Don't conceal it._

 _Feel it._

 _Let it show._

 _Let them know._

'Shut _up_!' I yelled, grabbing on to the sides of my head in a feeble attempt to shut out his voice.

I took several deep breaths, trying to calm my nerves.

I didn't want to. I didn't want to become the darkness. I _couldn't_ become the darkness.

I'd hurt my family. Henry. Killian. My parents. Regina. Robin. I had to resist. I had to resist the pull of this monstrosity.

Because if I didn't, I would be a monster. Feared by all. Power-crazy. I knew what the power had done to Mr Gold. Protecting his son had turned into a thirst for power, for superiority. I had tethered the darkness to myself to save Regina. Who knew what that would develop into?

I had to get rid of it. I had to end it. I had to save my family.

'Swan?' I heard a voice call out. 'You okay?'

No. No. _No._

Killian couldn't be here. Not now. He'd try to stop me. He'd try to make things seem alright. But he wouldn't be able to. Because I knew things would never be alright.

I stood up from the log and closed the box, quickly shoving it under my shawl.

I turned away and began walking, as fast as I could to get away from him. I had to get away from him. He couldn't see this.

'Swan!'

Even before I had heard his voice, I began running; running to escape, running to save him from the heartbreak.

I heard his footsteps getting faster and louder. He was catching up to me. He reached out and his hook pulled me back by the arm. I rolled my eyes, inwardly cursing that damned piece of metal.

He pulled me against him, his arms wrapping around me protectively.

'Swan,' he breathed.

I felt the fast beat of his heart through his chest and knew that wasn't just because he had tried to outrun me.

He was scared.

And I knew he was scared for _me_.

'Killian, you have to go. You have go back to Granny's. Please, just trust me on this. Please.'

'What's going on, Emma?' he whispered lightly.

'I can't tell you,' I muttered back. 'Please. Go.'

'Give me the box, Emma,' he instructed firmly.

He was calling me Emma. Not Swan. This wasn't going well.

'W-what?' How did he know?

'The box. With the spark. Give it to me.'

'I… I left it inside,' I muttered weakly.

'Then…' He ran his hand along my shawl. 'What's this?' He grasped the box lightly through the thick fabric.

I rolled my eyes. I pulled the box out and turned away. I heard him opening it and screwed my eyes shut as I waited for his reaction.

'Oh Emma… Is that…?'

The disbelief and panic in his voice made me stop and think and I thought _maybe I don't have to do this._

'Yes, it's mine, now give it back and leave me alone!'

'Oh, Swan. You'll be okay. You can fight this,' Killian whispering, shutting the box that contained my heart and pulling me into a hug again.

'Really?' I asked him dryly, stepping back. 'I'm the Dark One now. I've got darkness swirling in my veins and Rumpelstiltskin's voice in my head which won't even go away!'

The tears started falling and I sobbed, shaking and not even in control. I was so conflicted. Conflicted between light and dark, between whether to go through with my plan or forget it all, between whether to do it for me or for Killian.

I hadn't registered it but the next thing I knew, I was in Captain Hook's arms, listening, weeping while he stroked my hair and whispered sweet nothings to try and comfort me.

His being so gentle and kind was what made the conflict in my head all the harder to bear.

What did I do? Did I finish it? Or did I continue working towards the future that Killian and I set our hearts on?

 _The future._

 _The darkness._

 _You know you like it._

 _Don't you, Miss Swan?_

'Please, just leave me alone!' I yelled through my tears.

'Hey. Hey, Swan, listen to me,' I heard his gentle, calming voice amidst the rough voices of the darkness and I strained to listen to it, to make it out over the harsh, condescending words.

I felt him take my hand, run it down his cheek. The feel of his stubble beneath my fingertips was strangely calming and I heard my sobs slowly silencing. Evident yet finally silenced.

'Swan, you are strong. You are the saviour. You can fight this. And I'll be right behind you every step of the way.'

I placed my arms around his neck and rested my cheek against his, again falling prey to that soothing stubble. 'And if you need us to, we can all fight it together. You're not alone, Swan. You're _never_ alone.

'Don't let the darkness rule your life. Choose to let the light have that role instead.'

He pushed me away to look at him, and placed his hand on my cheek. 'I know what you were planning to do with that heart of yours but trust me: _it is not worth it_.'

'But I— I'm going to hurt a lot of people if I'm like this,' I told him, my voice broken. 'You, Henry, my parents, Regina, Robin. If I can't fight this, then not only am I hurting _me_ , I'm hurting my family. My friends. The people I love most in the world. And I don't want that to be a part of me for the rest of my life.'

Kilian grinned. 'And _that_ is exactly why you need to battle your way out of this. If you crush your heart, you'll have died as the Dark One. You'll have died with darkness as a part of you for the rest of your life. Your unnecessarily _short_ life. And _no one_ wants that to be a reality.'

I sniffed, taking his hand and threading my fingers through it as we sat on a nearby log. 'I— I never thought about it that way,' I mused, finally convincing myself he had a point.

'That's what I'm here for. To remind you that people love you, that people will help you if you ask them to. _You don't have to do this alone, Emma_.'

I smiled. He was right.

'And what about our future? What about our house and our family? You need to be here to see that. You need to be here to be a part of it.'

I wiped away the start of yet more tears. 'You're right,' I told him. 'I just… I don't want to hurt anyone.'

'I'm going to be very selfish here,' he admitted. 'But what do you think I'd do if you killed yourself? I've lost love before, because of the Dark One. I can't go through that all over again. You'd hurt _me_ by killing yourself. Can't you see that?'

I smiled, leaning my head on his shoulder. 'I'm sorry,' I mumbled. ' _I_ was the selfish one. Of course I'd have hurt you all by crushing my own heart.'

'Will you do something for me, Swan?' he asked softly.

'Anything,' I replied, entwining our hands as he rested his head on mine.

'Will you put your heart back where it belongs and promise to never take it out again?'

 _Could I?_

 _I'd have to face the darkness._

 _I'd have to resist its pull._

 _But I have friends, family who are willing to help me through this._

 _I_ can _do this._

 _And I will._

'Yeah,' I told him. 'I will. I promise you. And I'll do it now.'

I stood up and took the box from beside him. I opened it, taking one final look at my blackening heart. I closed my eyes and exhaled, calming myself.

I pushed my heart back into my body and waited a second for my body to fully register it. Once the pain had subsided, I began reciting a spell Regina had taught me a year before. My body glowed with a green light for a second before fading. It was done.

'There,' I said, rather relieved. 'Now no one can take my heart. Not even me.'

Killian raised an eyebrow. 'But… can't you… undo your own spell?' he asked.

I shook my head. 'Not this one. It's meant to be the strongest of all protection magic. Once you cast it, it's unbreakable to everyone. Not even the wielder of the most powerful magic can undo it.'

Killian looked down at the ground, grinning. 'What?' I asked him.

'It's just…' He stood up and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. 'You're amazing, Emma Swan,' he muttered against my hair.

'Uh, okay? Thank you?' I replied uncertainly, placing my hands on his waist.

He looked at me, his hand resting on the side of my neck and his other arm pulling me in by the waist. 'And I _love_ you.'

He crashed his lips to mine, and the impact nearly sent me flying backwards. I steadied myself and repositioned my hands behind his neck, interlacing my fingers. My eyes floated shut and I allowed myself to get lost, to melt in his arms, his warmth and his beauty.

After what felt like years (even then I couldn't stop my brain from protesting as we lessened the contact), we pulled apart, our breath heavy.

I looked into his shining, icy eyes and smiled. 'I love you too,' I whispered, our gazes unwavering. 'I love you with all my heart.'

* * *

 **I didn't let her die. I didn't let Emma kill herself. When I first started writing this fic, I was planning to make Emma commit suicide to prevent me from hurting myself physically. I'd just finished watching Robin Hood die. I bawled, wept and sobbed like a fucking baby. But then I thought:** _ **too many people have died in this show.**_ **Graham, Daniel, Peter, Neal, Robin and even Hooky came close to being permanently dead.**

 **And I thought: I can't. I can't kill Emma off. Even though this is only fanfiction, I can't kill off my favourite character, no matter how out of control my depression has become.**

 **And, to be honest, I'm glad I wrote it this way. By the time I'd finished writing the last line, I had calmed down and my heart no longer hurt. I'm still going to mourn Robin basically forever and I'll never get over the fact that the writers killed off Regina's fricking** _ **soulmate**_ **after she had worked so hard to try and deserve a happy ending. She didn't deserve it and neither did Robin or the fans. OQers all over the world suffered and Roland and his baby sister were left orphaned and fatherless.**

 **Anyway. Hope you enjoyed this little fic, angsty as it is. Please leave a review in the box below.**


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